Jessica Lynn Quinn - Online Memorial Website

Hey Jess... It's been a year since you've left us... I can't belive how quickly it went by.  I think of you often and constantly remember the good times we had.  One of my favorite memories is when you and I dressed up as Siamese twins for Halloween one year. It was hard walking around together in the costume, but it was alot of fun!

 

During my pregnancy, I've thought of you almost daily.  There were so many times I had a question about something that was happening and I knew you would have an answer for me.  Although you weren't there to physically answer them, I knew you were present and quietly telling me that everything was normal!  Even though I was 5 weeks early, I delivered a healthy little boy and knew that you had something to do with that... thank you!

 

There are so many life moments that I wish you could be here for... starting with Drew's birth... but I know that God took you for a reason.  Please be the shining star that guides me in the right direction throughout my life.   I miss you!

You've been on my mind so much lately.  I guess especially because it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  This week marks the beginning of everything leading up to your passing.  I guess you can consider those memories.  Since there's not enough room to write them on candles, I thought I'd sit here and talk about those memories with you since they've been on my mind so much.  Today... the 23rd... Is the day I was going to bring you surivor items from the Making Strides walk.  You told me you weren't up much for visitors.  When I asked why, you were so down because the pain in your neck was being caused by a newly discovered mass on your spine.  The 25th... That marks the day I took you for your brain mri.  I spent the morning with you.  We discussed you coming to my wedding, the boys, and all the things you were going to fight for.  I was supposed to go to a wedding that day.  It was pouring rain outside.  You called me hysterical crying 20 minutes after being home to tell me the results of the brain scan.  We cried together.  I wish at that moment that I had been with you, to hug you, to hold you and tell you it'd be alright. But I had to tell you over the phone instead.  I told you that no matter what, we'd stay positive and do whatever it took to fight...  And you did.  You fought SO hard over the next couple of months.  I can still hear the sound of your voice and remember so many of our conversations.  It's hard to believe that you've been gone for 10 months already.  What I'd give to just see you, hug you, hear your laugh and your voice.  I miss you so, so, SO much Jess. 

 

Loving you always....

I stopped to drop off the team shirts to Jack yesterday.  Everytime I see your boys I can't believe how beautiful they are, how much they're growing, and why you aren't physically here to see it.  Gavin now has blonde hair, I think he looks a lot like Daniel.  He started crawling yesterday for the first time.  I didn't get to see it, but Jack's Dad said it happened.  Noah was naked of course, painting.  He's talking SO much!  He's so expressive, you'd be so proud of him.  He was in such a good mood yesterday.  I love when he's so happy like that.  I look into their eyes and just wish I could bring you back.  Here's a picture of Gavin enjoying some dinner in his high chair.  I couldn't resist taking the picture, I thought it was so cute.

The Revlon Run/Walk for Women's Cancers was today.  It truly was amazing.  I found myself talking about you a lot through the walk.  Our team raised over$6,000! Our biggest team yet, and so many of us walking in memory of you and Amy.  Maggie was there, Aunt Jeanne, Trina, Jen, The Dula girls, Bernie, my mom & Chris, Jack & Noah too... but somehow he never found us, though he says they were having fun in Central Park anyway.  Here's a picture of us all at the finish line.

Oh, Jess, you would be so proud of your boys.  Marty and Gavin are in a contest for the chubbiest thighs.  It cracks me up!  Here's a picture of the two of them together from Noah's birthday.  I know you were with us that day, the sun was shining and your boys were each having a really wonderful day.  We all missed your laugh, your smile, and your sense of humor, but could feel your spirit present with us.  Thank you for the beautiful day.  Rest in peace knowing that your boys are in wonderful, capable hands.

I thought of a memory today that was recent.  It made me laugh.  Remember when I came over to visit you and I saw the robbery of the flat screen tv?  haha.  It was so scary!  The cops asking me all these questions, coming over to my house to do a photo line up!  In the end it was funny, and they caught the maintenence guy.  I saved Oakwood Village and stopped a year's worth of robberies!  Lol.  My good deed.  It was fun laughing with you about it.  God, Jess... I miss your laugh.  I miss you so much.  I am on a search for a butterfly pin.  You will be walking down that aisle with me in 4 and a half months, because you are my butterfly.  I've always loved butterflies, but you make them that much more meaningful.  Love you forever.  I guess one thing we know for sure is you will be forever young.

I will always remember how happy Jessica made my nephew Jack. And he may never realize how much she loved him and wanted him to be happy and content in life. Jessica helped Jack know how important family is, to be a part of one, no matter how difficult it can be sometimes. We, as a family,  will continue to love and support Jack and Noah and Gavin forever. And Jessica will always be there cheerng them on.

Today I was feeling blue and Jess was on my mind.  I was cleaning my son's room and straightening up things when I saw one of his books was sticking out of the pile in the crate I keep them in.  I tried simply to just slide it back in, but it wouldn't budge, like it was stuck on something.  I pulled it out to see what the problem was and saw it was a book Jess had given me when I had my son.  In the front cover she wrote, "From one mama to a boy to another, Love Jessica & Noah Quinn".  I don't think it was a coincidence and it made me remember all the things we shared during our simaltaneous pregnancies.  I grabbed my son and held him so tightly even though he squirmed and read (from memory) the part of the book that Jess said she loved: "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."  The tears obviously overcame me but it was reassuring to know just how close she really is in my heart.  I'll miss her always.

Jess,

Its taken a while to write this, I still can't believe this is happening.  I know somehow you will be able to take everyone's tears and wipe them away and tell us everything is going to be fine.  You always were so strong and I know you well enough to know that your even stronger now, looking down at us and giving us all your strength.  I want you to know that I will always remember your great smile and all the great times.  I was looking through some pictures today and came across a bunch with you in them.  In all of them, you had a big smile on your face and you were enjoying life.  Thats how I will remember you.  Not suffering, not bed ridden, not in pain.  That was not the Jesscia we all knew.  The Jesscia we all know is a stong willed, determined, women that we all loved to be around.  I remember laughing so hard with you in your piece of crap car about just daily things going on in our lives.  I remember all our great and funny field hockey memories and how we really kicked ass on the field. (ok, so I'll remember the funny memories cause we both know how horrible our team was!!...but all our friendships made it the best team ever and I wouldn't trade any wins/losses over that) Thanks for being a friend.  Thanks for all the wonderful and not so wonderful memories, because the wonderfull ones make me smile and the not so wonderful ones have tought me to appreciate life more then ever.  Your one of a kind and although it hurts to see you leave, I cherish the time I have had with you.  You will live on forever in my heart.  I'll miss you, but always with a smile.

Love you,

Tracy

Tonight was difficult, but it marks a memory.  The room was filled with so much love. I know you were there with us and could see all those who care about you and Amy.  Afterwards at the gathering, we took a picture... Me, Tracey, Bernie, and Karen and were wishing you were in it with us.  Yet we still managed to take a picture with 5.  Karen's new baby girl Kailey was with us.  She is our new #5... the first girl to enter our circle of children.  We went to the field hockey field to bring some flowers.  We trucked up a steep, icy hill... and we were laughing.  Talking about all old field hockey memories.  Jack said he remembered a spot where you bit it one game he saw...  So that decided where the flowers went.  Noah was with us.  Then we all managed to slide down the steep hill we climbed, still reminiscing of old times.  How much you are missed.  How much you are loved.  It still doesn't seem like this could all be real.  Good night sweet Jessica.